Monday, February 6, 2012

It's All About Perception...

It's been quite a while.  My goal was never to make this a personal blog, but one for 13th Moon Creations and our products and events and other artists that we enjoy.  But there has been a recurring theme in the past few weeks that has brought up something for me that I am hoping may help others. 

My newest venture for us and our products has been opening a shop, Venus & the Moon, 31 Race Street, Jim Thorpe, PA.  The goal of this shop is not just to sell wonderful handmade products made by us and others, but to nourish the soul, our partner provides spiritual counseling, we have classes and workshops, and both of us are Universal Ministers.  The collective goal is to create a community where people can be themselves and thrive.  With this, there have been so many people to interact with.  All of which are brand new to us, we have no history, we just met them in the past few months.  We love all of our new colleagues, customers, neighbors, and friends that we have made.

Now, that being said, those that really know me, I mean really know who I am, know how I work and why.  After being around people that truly understand you, then being in a situation where no one really knows anything about you, it can be easy to forget that you may be misinterpreted.  But that being said, so can others.  I know them as little as they know me, I may misinterpret their actions or words just as they may mine.  This is the learning curve.

I have two very, very dear friends that have been with me through everything, they've seen me at my best and worst and are always there.  They've watched me grow and change.  I am far from the person they first met.  I am stronger, smarter, and a better person.  But I'm also so much softer, more emotional, cry more, get taken advantage of more, let my guard down more.  My last conversation with both of them involved my talking about going soft.  Somewhere between 27 & 32, I've lost my edge.  I've seen and been through too much to stay so "rough around the edges" so to speak.  But, my recent thinking has been that my being taken advantage of is most likely due to my appearing weak, or at least weaker than I was in combination with my bleeding heart.  So, I've been seeking a way to harden up again.  To go back to the the girl that no one messed with, never got bullied, the one that stood up for her friends at any cost, the one that was fearless.  But I'm not fearless anymore.  As I said, I've seen too much, there are things to fear.

So, it has come to my attention that while I am seeking ways to toughen up since I feel so weak and powerless at times, that some are perceiving me as too harsh.  My words are spoken too fast, I don't always let people finish their sentences before giving my input.  These are the same people that have seen me bend over backwards to help any way I can.  These are the same people I've, at times, put before myself.  So, I've been advised or requested to change my ways.  Now obviously, we do not have the same way of doing things, I could criticize their behavior since it is not like mine, but I understand that it is who they are.  Their soft spoken manner and avoidance of conflict is something I do not always agree with and perceive as a weakness, but I've never said, toughen up, hurry up, don't cry when people come after your or hurt you, do something about it.  It's not up to me to tell them how to behave.  I can tell them how I would handle it, if that may help, but my intention would never be to make them feel that they are wrong or inadaquate for doing things their way.  I would never tell them to react the way I do, my way is only right for me, it may not serve them well.  That doesn't mean I don't get annoyed or frustrated with their behavior, it's just not up to me to tell them to be different.  It's not my place to tell them how to transform their lives based on how I interpret their behavior.  This is their path, I am merely someone that they meet on their journey that may or may not be helpful and may or may not remain on the path with them.  All I can do is hope that I make a positive impact. 

Like everyone else, I have things I don't like about myself, things I'd like to change.  However, my getting loud when I speak when I get excited and getting animated and speaking my mind are not anywhere on the list.  My interrupting or allowing people to see when I am annoyed with what they say to me and always showing my emotions on my face is not something I am ashamed of or feel that I need to change about myself.  These things are what make me, me, and the me that I like.  All of the people closest to me have accepted this and actually embraced it, they are not trying to make me change.  I thank them for allowing me to be myself.  

This brings up my goal for Venus & the Moon.  I want people to be proud of who they are and embrace it.  I want to show them that they don't have to hide.  I want them to love themselves.  They can transform if they wish to, in what way they choose to, not how I think they should be.  If we all were the same and communicated the same, wouldn't that be boring as hell?  My goal is not to encourage clones or sheep, but individuality, it is not to make them feel bad about who they are, it's not to force my thoughts of what is right on them, if it were, I would open a church with doctorines.  I wish to encourage freedom, freedom of thought, freedom of religion, and most of all, a safe place to be themselves and open up without judgement. 

So, thank you for clarifying my vision for my place in this world.  I have become more focused and determined to help without judgement and to move forward with acceptance in my heart for who people are.  We never know what they have been through to make them respond or react to things the way they do, so, I will try to remember that it's not my goal for them, but my job is to help them realize their goals for themselves.  I look forward to moving on with this mission in mind always.

Thank you to everyone for helping with this revelation.  From now on, back to product info here............Lots in the soap pot this week, so more Soap Porn to come.....